I'm angry

I know this post is going to be pitiful/a less-than-satisfying waste of time even as I start to write it but I've got no other outlet for my anger. Two things are on my mind, and in typical guy fashion I want to take steps to either fix the problems or at least lessen the pain but I can't do a damn thing about either. I'm going to be purposefully abbreviated (i.e. not go into huge detail) because this isn't about letting everyone else know all the dirty details, it is purely about me starting to get things off my chest.

First, my mother. I don't have words or emotions to adequately explain how much she continues to hurt me. I don't even think she's trying to, or at least I hope to God that her nastiness and back handedness are unintentional. We got her semi-traditional holiday letter and Christmas card in the mail today and it was chock full of happy bullshit - letting everyone know how much they (her and her drill Sergeant husband) loved spending time with their kids... how they loved making special time for their grand kids. Excuse me? I'm wondering exactly when she's ever made special time to be around my kids? THAT was at the heart of my issues with her and she never even acknowledged it, no matter how hard I tried. Yup, my JAM has well documented difficulties that made it tougher to spend relaxing time at the beach with him but it was always my thought that family was supposed to be able to deal with that - they were supposed to find a way to support the parents and shower the kids with love - no matter what the difficulties were. Lord knows we did it for other people's kids. But the same could never be said for little JAM. He was always the odd one out and our "peculiar" or "strict" way of raising him didn't help any. I know - not letting a two year old watch Star Wars or drink beer is just too outrageous to comprehend. And I can really understand how much of a burden it must have been for us to have asked for some help, or at least a visit, after her granddaughter and subsequent grandson were born. Yup, it was very rude of us to think they'd maybe reschedule a trip out west, or maybe just cut it short or something, in order to be here with us. No, that's too much like selflessness and the only "self" that works in this family is selfish.

I'm digressing... so the first thing that got to me tonight was her bat-shit crazy letter and her little personalized note saying how next year she hoped that she'd have more to say about spending time with us. Yeah, as soon as she makes the least bit of an effort to say she hears our message and she's going to work on not treating us like second class citizens...

The second thing that happened tonight, as if I really needed a second thing, happened at JAM's school. We've been lucky enough to have JAM attend his school even though we live about 18 feet past the boundary into another horrible district. Yup, that huge ugly highway right outside our door? That's the boundary between the have's and the have-not's. In the beginning, JAM was going to before and after care at his old babysitter's place in the "good" district so we were able to get a special transfer for him to go to the "good" school. It didn't hurt that I was working in the school system at the time so getting the transfer was easy. In the three years since we've had really great relationships with the Vice Principals at the school and continuing the transfer has never been an issue. We've been involved, we've volunteered and donated (even more than we really should have money-wise) and been supportive of the school and the teachers the whole time. We thought we'd earned some credit.

Now though, the system is making noise about not allowing special transfers anymore. None. Not for any reason that I know of although I'm sure there are special-special transfers that will be allowed to continue. I mean, some boys just need to continue putting ball through hoop at certain schools right? So anyhow, we're at the school again tonight, supporting and participating in the book sale and art night when Wifey makes a comment to the Principal about her fears re: the transfers. The Principal's response? Paraphrased - "Oh - that school isn't so bad!" Yup, no concern about our little boy having to pull up roots, lose all his friends, go out of his neighborhood to another school... just - "don't worry - I'm sure he won't get shived."

So there you have it. I felt just fine until right after dinner when the shitstorm hit. And I'm not sure if you've noticed but I've made it a point of pride not to have cursed - at all - ever - on my blog. I'm making a special exception just for tonight.

Is it over yet?

It never amazes me - Americans can take a perfectly average person and elevate him or her to God-like status when so many truly amazing people are out there doing wondrous things every day. Why aren't these people on every news channel, being interviewed by Oprah, getting book deals?

I've just got one thing to say...

JAM + Piano = this guy

Have you ever heard of TED? No, TED isn't a guy, it a conference where very smart people get together and talk about changing the world and spend time inspiring one another. It's uber expensive, ultra exclusive (you need to write essays on your application - they want a cross section of people, not all monochromatic like usual conferences) and brings together a truly amazing cast of speakers to stimulate your senses. I can't help but think that this type of environment might kick me in the right direction - get me interested in taking a leap of faith and get me to follow through on one of my brilliant ideas that I'm always too chicken to do anything with because of a whole host of factors - money, insurance, mortgage payments, you know, the little stuff...

Someday I hope to go but in the meantime I'm pacified in that many of their talks are available online - here's the 2009 conference website. It seems that most of the vids they put out are posted through their blog.

In looking at the site today I came across this performance. If you've got a few minutes, and want to see something that I think is pretty unique -



Yeah, this is definitely what JAM would do if we ever got him 20 years of piano lessons.

I've changed my mind

Forget back to school time, November is definitely the most wonderful time of the year!

Why?

That's right, college basketball season is back baby!!!!

Happy days, happy days.

Happy day to the Pudge

My smallest man turns two today. And as Wifey has learned to her dismay all the family pics are stuck on our hard drive which happens to be sitting in my office at work so I can't even post the obligatory baby pic of the Pudgey goodness. I suck at life, my apologies.

In typical parent-of-the-year fashion we're not doing a whole heck of a lot today. After Wifey's blowout last weekend we're just about tapped out - in every sense of the word. Does every kid need a huge party each year? Where do you think we're from, Westchester? We started the day off with a fun filled present opening session - soon to be followed by a huge meltdown on the part of Red who just couldn't get the whole "that's Pudge's new toy and no, you may not grab it from him" thing.

Witness:

I love watching little kids open presents. After all the thought that goes into them, the staying up late to wrap them, the hoping that they're just the right thing... it is so funny to watch them tear into the package, ohh and ahh for a minute then drop them in search for the next thing to unwrap. Too funny.

Things got better after a while when we got the kids outside for the first time in a very rainy four days or so. They played in the front while I got a bit further along on my preparations for winter - I cut up 5 pallets for kindling and put the Rubbermaid woodshed back together.

During nap I got to take JAM to see a movie down at our historic local movie theater - Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. I thought it was brilliant, and we both had a blast eating ourselves silly on popcorn and laughing our heads off. Except for the whole needless love interest smoochy-face thing it was a perfectly funny kids movie.

So now nap is almost over, and when the babies wake up we're headed down to the lake to meet up with some other families to play and picnic for a while until the sun goes down. Then hopefully a few of them will be interested in joining us back here for some cake and ice cream to put a nice touch on Pudge's day.

Let's hear it for quiet weekends!

How to know you're a geek...

...and/or a moment I never want to forget.

I've embraced my geekdom. Better yet, I should say Gleekdom. I admit it, I love watching Glee. I guess I'm realizing that I never really got over my unfulfilled high school musical potential. Without going into therapy-like detail, there was a legacy for me to live up to in my school - my brother was a high school musical superstar and since it was what I saw it became what I did. I wasn't half bad either. But, I was as socially inept as it comes and I screwed up that scene royally and had to quit everything after my junior year, even though I knew I was good. I was making all-county choirs and leading our school's (kick-ass) choir without even trying but like I said, I drove those relationships into the ground. I told myself leaving was a good thing - I'd never have to deal with those people, and that horrible teacher, again. But truth be told - I missed it once I left. I knew I missed out on a good thing, if only I'd have known how to act.

Wow, getting off the self-pity express now...

So yes, Wifey has successfully gotten me reconnected with my geek self in the form of being hooked on Glee and I'm not one bit ashamed. I mean I'm the one leading the pack trying to get people to join me for our periodic trips to Howl at the Moon (if you don't know what that is you are not even close to cool enough to be reading my space - go fix yourself) so yeah, even after the wanna-be trauma of my high school days I still do enjoy to sing. For her birthday this past weekend (man, I need to post about that party - it was fantastic!) a very nice person got her the Glee Season 1 Soundtrack. It's pretty much been on ever since.

Where's this incredibly off-track/rambling story going? Tonight, as Wifey was putting the little rug-rats into the tub I was being all domestic taking care of the dishes and blasting the Glee on the CD player. I was having a ton of fun, and I'm pretty sure I'd be beaten up in a second if I ever said something like that during a pickup basketball game growing up. Yup, 34 years old, doing dishes and rocking out to pretend teenagers singing the best of the 80's, 90's and today! I ooze cool. Someday I may teach you how.

Unlike what I just mentioned, which I should quickly go get partially lobotomized just so I don't ever have to remember my full descent into geekdom, there was a part of the evening that I don't ever want to forget.... Not wanting the singing goodness to end I threw on the Rent soundtrack after Glee finished. Yeah, I'm a fan. In fact, except for the F'ing Weird song (Tango: Maureen), and the "mooing song" (Over The Moon), I really love to sing to the whole damn soundtrack. With tubby time over, Red came back downstairs just in time for two of my favorites. We rocked out together, dancing all over the kitchen and drumming on everything in sight, including each other, to Today 4 U. Then, I sat on the floor and sang Santa Fe to her. I love that song and sitting there, just the two of us, on the floor of our little kitchen singing together is something I never want to forget.

Singing is good for the soul - and even if you can't carry a tune in a bucket everyone should do it every day.

27 is a lovely number

I won't belabor this. It's probably best to keep it nice and short seeing as how EVERYONE who reads this post will be lumped into the category clearly labeled "hater."

As Wifey will attest, these last few nights have been very stressful, and I had to watch much of the series in fast forward on the DVR because I just couldn't handle all the waiting for the next pitch or to see if Swisher or Tex struck out again.

In the end, it was magic, and the Yanks are back on top where they're supposed to be.